Silver Lining

CD5, Retrieval 6.

I was up early, showered, took my vitamins, drank my wheat-grass, and focused on trying not to vomit. I do not know how those uber healthy people do it. In small doses I can see it but 16oz of it at a time? Why cant it taste like cupcakes? Or Dim Sum? Or Taiwanese dumplings? I’m just asking.

I listened to the meditation CD, which was nice, until my husband woke up, came downstairs to the living room, where I was reclining in a chair with my eyes closed and my headphones on, poked me in the boob and said, “What are you doing?”

Seriously? Who raised you?

It went fine. They did a vaginal retrieval on the left side, and aspirated a cyst. They did an abdominal retrieval on the right side and aspirated another cyst. The third follicle was aspirated, and contained an egg. We talked to my RE, I was prescribed another 10 days of Provera starting on Friday, because there seems to be a synchronization issue between my follicular stage and my menstrual cycle. Ok. Since I’ve suspected this for a while (like almost 2 months), I am happy to know that he’s doing his best to get me back on the right track.

I hadn’t even arrived home when the lab called me to tell me that the egg was degenerated and therefore unusable. So today I am 0-3

Maybe it’s because I just had a meltdown, or maybe it’s because I’m actually learning something from this journey, but I’m ok with the outcome. I can’t change it. Sure I’d have loved to have had an egg or 3, but it is what it is. I’m doing my best and at some point that has to be good enough, doesn’t it?

Because of the Provera, this next cycle will be short, and maybe since last cycle felt so forced, and this cycle was just a freak show, maybe all the bad eggs are gone, and I’m due for some good luck. In the meantime, I’m going back to acupuncture twice a week, rather than sporadically, I’m going to find a yoga class, I’m locking my diet back down, I’m going to shake this cycle off, and just move on to the next and try to be positive.

I said to my RE today “going through this month after month piles up after a while, that one of the key things in trying to deal with the stress of it is trying to think of each new cycle as a new beginning.” He agreed.

I have done an exceptionally poor job at that in the past. Maybe I’m actually starting to grasp this “letting go” stuff after all. And maybe this is the silver lining.

I’m choosing to have faith in my journey.

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14 comments on “Silver Lining

  1. queenelizabethi says:

    Ugh, sorry to hear it didn’t go well. But you have a great attitude about it. You just cleaned house so you can move on to the good stuff. Thinking of you!

  2. Daryl says:

    This was definitely a wonky cycle. Here’s hoping the next one is better. And I am loving your attutude about all of this! Maybe those cds are working for you!

  3. Molly says:

    Every cloud has a silver lining…..every unpleasant situation has a positive side.

    • Jeanette says:

      I know. I know. I just wish that at this moment I could find mine.

      • Molly says:

        you will be good next cycle after the big cyst already asp!

      • Jeanette says:

        I hope so. I love you guys and want so much to be success story not just for me, but you for you and the clinic.

        I will happily contribute to the monkey sock fund! Even if you want to change it to some other kind of socks. Im in. Whatever makes you happy and makes you stand out! You are very special Molly and Its my pleasure and good luck to know you!

  4. Molly says:

    Thank you Jeanette, the only one thing could make me happy is helping you pregnant. and I know it’s gonna be soon!

  5. Louisa says:

    Good attitude! I didnt have a good feeling about that cycle, those damm cysts can produce e2 and look just like follicles. Hope the next one is better!

  6. Deborah says:

    Oh, I’m so sorry. I like what you said at the end. To new beginnings next month!

  7. Lita Myrtie says:

    I’m so sorry. 😦 All I can say is that I — and probably everyone who reads this — knows the roller-coaster and wishes you the best.

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