Ive been up since 6am. Feeling the best I have since Wednesday. I was pinned by my acupuncture Dr., who also listened to me cry and when I told him “I wish someone would just come out and say that my family is crazy” His answer, completely straight-faced was “You realize its a given, don’t you?” Which made me laugh through my tears.
He can’t relate but I think he can empathize. He has a normal loving family but he sees what my intentions are, knows I’m not any of the things my sisters and mom accuse me of being. And for once, it was really nice to be validated. Thank you Dr P. You really are a great friend to me.
All of this drama with my family,
which I don’t handle very well..has just made me more determined to find a way to complete my own family. Whatever that looks like. If I am ever lucky enough to parent a child that’s mine, I want them to grow up kind, and sweet. I don’t want him or her to grow up like me, tough, always fighting, always afraid to be vulnerable.
This morning at 11am I will find out if the meds worked, and if 2 the follicles grew. I hope they both did. I hope they sucked up the Clomid, and got fat and healthy and that I will get scheduled for a retrieval for Monday. That’s a first, actually WANTING to get an egg retrieval. Not that I didn’t want the others, I kind of dreaded them and they scare me so looking forward to one is… new.
I’m not going to complain about feeling like my ovaries are heavy or full, or that I feel bloated. Because I would take that over a conversation with my sister any day of the week and twice on Sunday. I can handle my mothers diagnosis, I can handle making peace with her, and possibly her even coming to live with me, I can handle nursing her, I’ve done it before. What I can’t handle is getting ambushed by someone whose sole intention was to be hurtful and nasty.
Enough about that, it’s a new monitoring day, it’s a chance, it’s the start of a long weekend, and while we don’t have big plans, we have good things to look forward to. If it doesn’t turn out well today, I will try again next time.