We live in a nice neighborhood. A really pretty historic neighborhood. Where people walk their dogs, and pick up the poop and you don’t see people parking their trucks on the front lawn or beer cans strewn about.

Last night, the neighbors to the right of us got their house TP’ed. Really really bad. I wish Id taken a picture. It was awesome. And included a package of maxi pads stuck to their front door, their car windows the whole 9. Whoever did it planned well and had a lot of forethought about it. Oh and for the record, no I didn’t do it.

I need to admit something. I hate those neighbors. When we moved in they were so nice and the kids were so sweet. But something happened to the oldest kid about 2 years ago. In the span of about 6 months I caught him smoking pot in my backyard 3 times.

I know kids go through phases but he’s only 16 now so it sort of freaked me out.

I never wanted to be that parent, but I told him not cool, and if I caught him again I’d tell his father. When I caught him again I made the unfortunate mistake of keeping my promise. It caused tension between us. I think they knew that their kid was heading down an ugly path but they really didn’t want to talk about it. I explained to his dad that “I’m not trying to interfere, but if it was my kid, Id want to know.”

The third time I called the police mean it is my property so WTH, smoke that shiz on your own property, you little turd. Sneaking out and back in his window, sneaking girls in his window. That window seems to get a lot of action. I’ve caught him drinking, because he left his beer cans all over my front lawn, a long with a pair of his boxers. I don’t know why they were there but all this has led to more uncomfortable discussions with his parents. Who now seem to hate us.

Both husband and I have seen him brought home by the police at least 4 times in the last year.

The kid doesn’t talk to me anymore. But sometime last year he decided to take it upon himself to contact via the web every single religion and asked them on my behalf to visit my house. We’ve had visits from the Baptists, the Jehovahs Witnesses, the Kaballah people, The Muslims, the Mormons, Evangelical Christians,  and a few others. You might ask how it is I know he did it? Well, I asked them how they got our info. They showed me the printout from the websites, and being you know.. me, I asked about the ip address. So I have proof that its him.

I havent decided what to do about it, but about a year ago every few weeks I started changing the name of my internet network to things like “FBI Surveillance Van, and Santa Ana Drug Enforcement Agency, and SAPD, and Homeland Security.

Which caused his parents to come over and ask if we knew why any of those agencies were in our area and what was causing them to be here. We’ve had no fewer than 5 visits from them asking us if we knew anything about it or had seen it on our own networks.

I feign innocence and say “Yes I’ve seen that too and I have no clue what is happening or why they are in the neighborhood!”

Yes I know. I’m immature. Childish, silly and ridiculous but there is some part of me that giggles every single time they come over and freak out. The part of me that’s still 9.

I can’t do anything about their kid and I do hope he grows out of it. I also am really grateful that my stepdaughter is NOTHING like him.

I have to also admit that I laugh every time I think about it. And as I am sitting here, he’s outside picking up the maxi pads off his dads car and trying to get the toilet paper out of his trees. It’s already made my day.


14 comments on “WAR

  1. Theresa says:

    Immature or not, its hysterical!

  2. I kind of agree. In the grand scheme of things, it’s just toilet paper and maxi pads. And it sounds like poetic justice. And it WASN’T you who did it. So, yeah, enjoy your glee.

  3. cassiedash says:

    Loved this post! It’s good to know some people get what’s coming to them…

  4. I’m sorry you have such obnoxious neighbors, but this post made me laugh hysterically. Kudos to the toilet paper bandits! 🙂

    • Jeanette says:

      LOL! Im glad it makes people laugh. I know the blog is supposed to be about fertility but seriously some of these stories MUST be shared 🙂

  5. Daryl says:

    It sounds like you’re not the only one that little twerp has been pissing off. He totally deserves to have to clean up toilet paper and maxi pads. And changing the name on your network? Genius. Slightly devious, but genius.

  6. queenelizabethi says:


  7. Louisa says:

    That is awesome! Sorry you’re neighbors suck. I have one neighbor who refuses to mow his lawn (like ever) and painted his house bright teal. I told my husband if we want to sell our house we’ll have to do it in the winter when everything is covered in snow!

    • Jeanette says:

      LOL! My other neighbors are awesome so, I guess you take the good with the bad. Sorry about the teal house though, because that really does suck!

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