Its 1:12 pm and I’ve been up since before 6. I have been to 4 meetings, acupuncture, made innumerable phone calls, scheduled the painter, the stone sealer guys and the gardner.

Last week we made 2 admissions to family. 1. was to DH sister, who we told about our IVF efforts. She said “Good, its past time you had your own” she also asked to see my embryo pictures and asked why we had waited so long. When I explained to her about Emily and so on, she got teary and said “you shouldn’t have wasted so much time, we would have evolved, things would have changed and a new baby brings so much happiness” To which I started crying. Finally. FINALLY some acceptance where I least expected it. To be truthful it made it so much sweeter. To think, after all this time they think enough of me to support me being someones mom. You have no idea how major this is for me.

We also told my sister-in-law, my younger brothers wife,  who said she would read what I’ve written, but seemed to reserve judgement.

We will see now what happens. Who will and who wont be here for us when the time comes.

Tomorrow is my day 8 monitoring. We will see if anything has grown since day 1/2 and it will tell me more about where we go from here this cycle. As I said before. I’ve decided to embrace the crazy and just let my cycles be what they will. I can’t make it different so I continue to do visualizations of perfect follicles perfect embryos perfect health and a perfectly happy body.

My acupuncture asked me today how much weight I’ve lost. It’s close to 70 pounds. I’m embarrassed to admit that but it makes my chances betters so ok. I will admit it. I’ve gone from a plus size 22 to a regular size 16. Now I just need to lose like another 50 to 60 pounds and for someone 5’8″ I should be in the size 6-8 range.

Whats funny is no one loses weight on the drugs I’ve been on. No one loses weight on Clomid. Everyone of a normal size gains 15 pounds or so. So Even though Im not where I want to be, it’s a good place from where I started from and in all likelihood Id lose another 10 pounds if I stopped the drugs altogether.

I’ve avoided my opinions about FB pregnancy announcements and seeing bumps everywhere. I’ve avoided it on purpose because my opinion is likely to be controversial in the IF/ART community. I will address it in another post. At some other time.

Anyhow. I’m good. Been listening to the visualizations, doing yoga, working in the yard and trying to keep myself busy. Tomorrow is not the end all be all, but it will tell me more about this cycle.

Embrace the crazy is my new mantra. Embrace all the changes, the possibility and the nuttiness that have been my cycles. Forgive myself and move on to the next one. Let it all go, don’t let them stack up. It does nothing but hurt you.


11 comments on “Changes

  1. Daryl says:

    Oh, I’m so glad your husband’s sister was so supportive. I know you haven’t told many people, but it has to feel good to finally have someone on your side! I hope you get more good news tomorrow!

  2. Deborah says:

    I am so glad you have the support you’ve been looking for. It must create so many emotions. I guess when the ‘crazy’ is embraced and one goes with the flow, good surprises happy. Congrats on the weight loss. That’s seems so hard to do on the IVF meds.

  3. “I’ve avoided my opinions about FB pregnancy announcements and seeing bumps everywhere. I’ve avoided it on purpose because my opinion is likely to be controversial in the IF/ART community. I will address it in another post. At some other time.”
    Not sure where you were going with this, but I am going to go ahead and voice MY opinion on it, regardless of how others react.
    I am thrilled whenever I see a post announcing a pregnancy. I am thrilled when I see updates that a pregnancy is going well. It gives me hope and comforts me to know that not every pregnancy will end the same way ours did. It gives me hope that someday soon I will be posting an announcement and updates. I understand that for some (many) it is a painful thing and feels like a slap in the face (kick in the gut), but I just don’t feel that way, and I hope I never do.

  4. Piggy backing of Erin here: while I don’t have an issues in theory with FB announcements of bump pictures, getting blindsided by one when you open your FB page can be a little upsetting on the wrong day. And it’s just my luck that the lady who shows her belly happens to be the most incredibly gorgeous giselle-wannabe pregnant lady ever…
    Personally, with the process of trying to have a baby so scientific and public, robbed of natural intimacy, I have a feel that when it finally is time, I’m going to claw back every kind of privacy I can. I will never look at pregnancy like planning a big wedding or party, it’s become something so much deeper (and darker and precious). I can’t help but feel that all the publicity for a pregnancy somehow shortchanges it. So no exhibitionism from my end, when it comes.

    70 pounds is incredible. and it will help. good on you.

    • Jeanette says:

      As usual you are very much spot on with the privacy part of my feelings about it. While I make fun of the indignity of this process, its only because Im so mortified I dont know what else to do except laugh at it. I too will retreat back into privacy when and if the time ever comes!

  5. alleycatm says:

    So happy about your husband’s sister, support are so important on this journey. Good luck

  6. Louisa says:

    Good mantra! Good luck today hope you have a good scan and blood work.

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