Faith

CD 8 Update

E2 was 40.9 still way too low. FSH was 34.1, way too high for any follicles to grow, LH 15.2 also not good, because it means I’m nearing my LH surge so I will soon ovulate whatever is in there. Or not. I don’t know what happens to immature eggs when you ovulate.

1 follicle now on the right side, 4.5mm the 2 on my left side have disappeared.

Its official, this month is even worse than last months cycle. I’ve been told to stop Clomid, start Estrace, and to monitor again on Day 12. Which is Saturday.

A high FSH for someone cycling as long as me is anything between 20 and 30, my lowest on day 8 was 7, the highest is 34 which was today. If your E2 is too low, and your FSH is too high, no follicles will grow.

I’ve tried to keep a good attitude today, tried to keep my chin up, because after this appointment I had a job interview for almost 3 hours.

I’m home now, it’s settling in and I’m tired, and sad. I know that things can still turn around but as usual, I lack faith. Sometimes I think lacking faith is a character flaw, that it makes me less of a person. But yeah I said it. I still and always really struggle with faith.

Dr Yelian said not to get too upset about it, but he is an eternal optimist. Something I love about him, but don’t have faith in. Because on some level I don’t believe his optimism applies to me. Where does one get faith? I even have a bracelet with that word on it, to remind me, but Id really like to know where faith comes from and where I can get some more.

So this months “new” thing is a new drug, another hormone something else to make me moody and crazy and weepy. Awesome. I’m looking forward to it.

 

 

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10 comments on “Faith

  1. My heart goes out to you.
    I’m sending out all the very best hopes that you will get the results you are looking for; I wish there was something more I could do to help you in this. Of course, in that case, I would also help myself and everyone else who needed it.

  2. Daryl says:

    Isn’t there a convenience store or an aisle somewhere in Target where you can just pick up some faith when you’re running low? I know you feel you’re lacking in this area right now, but let me (gently) remind you that every cycle, every baby step you take toward your next little blast is a huge leap of faith. You may not feel it in you, but I can see it from here. And I’m cheering you on from miles and miles away!

    • Jeanette says:

      Thanks Daryl, I really really appreciate that! While I’m at it, Target should also start carrying Hope too.

      I promise myself I wont get upset about this stuff, but I always do. I dont know why I even try to pretend like its not going to happen.

      • Daryl says:

        It’s inevitable. We have so much invested in this–how can we not get upset when things don’t go the way we want them to? If you started acting like a robot about all of this, then I would start to worry about you!

  3. I have trouble with faith too. I don’t know if it’s easy for anyone. I think it’s one of those “one-day-at-a-time”, or “one-moment-at-a-time” kinds of things. Honestly, I think you must have a lot of faith to be on your path, and the fact that you keep going on shows a lot of faith, however you might be feeling on a bad day. 🙂

    • Jeanette says:

      I just wish there was a store, where I could stockpile it for when I need it. And add hope to that list as well.

      ps. I havent forgotten about your bracelet I havent had a chance to get to the post office. *hugs*

      • Yeah, I know what you mean, they often seem to be in short supply when we need them most… Although, I’ve found that they do come back from wherever they hide out with surprising speed sometimes. 🙂

        No worries at all about the bracelet!

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