Controversy

I hate the term “bump” and wish we, as an English-speaking people would strike it from our lexicon. While I’m at it I also hate the term “hubby”, “preggo” and “fur baby” and many others. I have dogs. I love them. They are not my babies. I also have a husband who I also love, and if I ever call him hubby please feel free to punch me in the face. I am not now nor will I ever be “preggo”. Because it’s a freaking canned spaghetti sauce for the love of all that is holy.

I’m probably a little raw to be writing this today but I’m in a fuck it mood.

There are things about the online IF community that really bother me.

1. That some of you call yourselves infertile because you started trying 6 months ago and weren’t pregnant in the first month you wanted to be. The definition of infertility does not include you. I’m sorry.

2. That people have such a fit over pregnancy announcements. Yes it hurts. Quit bitching about it. Everyone else’s lives should be put on hold because you are having trouble conceiving? Get over yourselves.

On a kinder note, how can you possibly expect to have a grace bestowed upon you when you resent or have envy at someone else? I do not understand this thinking. Yes, it stings. Sometimes I have flashes of jealousy but actually letting it ruin my day? No. Its past time we put on our big girl panties take it on the chin and actually open our hearts to the new life they are beginning, weather or not we perceive them or judge them as deserving. If it’s really that awful for you, terminate your Facebook account and don’t look back. Become a hermit, let it define you, lay down and get comfortable in your misery. Actually don’t do any of those things, take your power back. Don’t let some unknowing person take your strength or your compassion for others.

3. That people avoid the mall because they don’t want to see other pregnant women. See bullet two.

I know that this post does not show the compassion or empathy that some of you deserve. I know it does not change how long some of you have been trying. But here’s the real truth. Most of you are barely in your 30’s or are in your early 30’s. You have at least another 10 years to keep trying. Trust me when I tell you as a 44-year-old woman, my time is fucking short. This isn’t what I wanted for myself, it isn’t ever where I thought Id wind up. But it’s where I’m at. Every month I face some new ugly surprise that makes continuing down this path scarier and scarier. Every month that’s failed costs me roughly 3k plus, and that doesn’t include meds. I have 2 blasts, that it’s taken me 7 months to make. The truth is I need 5-6 so that I can PGD testing them to make sure there are no chromosomal abnormalities. Statistically, the chances are of the 5 or 6 that are tested, maybe 1 will be normal or maybe none. If there is 1 that is normal and transferred, there is no guarantee that will become a live birth. Stare that in the face for a while. Because those are the cold hard facts of my situation.

My other choice is to carry on. To keep trying, to try to make light where I can, because no matter how this ends, it will not define my life or who I am as a person.

I didn’t want to be an old mom, but if I am given the opportunity to be one, I will be. People say… “well just adopt then”.. only no one wants to give a child to a family where there is someone who is over 50. My husband will be 50 in October. So that’s out. Fostering? Same thing.

This is my only option, aside from Donor Eggs which will mean having to find someone, and it costing another 30k. It’s still on the table but its a last resort for me.

I do not have the ebb and flow of even normal IVF cycles. I do not have the comfort of the same thing happening month after month.

I read so much misery and despair in your blogs. I see so many women sad and getting used to that misery. I want you to want better for yourselves. I want you to open yourselves to the grace of being happy for others who are receiving the gift you want so much.

In my 20’s I miscarried at 5 months. I know about loss. In hindsight though I was married at the time to an abusive alcoholic so it was probably the best thing for all of us. But it took me 2 years to get past it. And every year on the date of my miscarriage I count its age and wonder what that child would have been like and how different my life would have been.

I can’t change any of this. I can’t wish for things to be different, for me to be younger, for my life to have turned out differently, because it won’t. This is my reality. Its hard. In fact its the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Some of you have called me brave. I’m not. I’m terrified, I am scared out of my wits. To be completely honest after yesterday appointment, I did some writing on a project I hope will turn into a new job, talked to a friend for a few minutes and went to bed. At 7pm. When my husband got home around 9:30, I was still awake, but I didn’t talk to him about it, I just lay there with the covers over my head and tried not to think. Tried to numb the overwhelming feelings of fear. I eventually went to sleep, but “brave?” no.

When I got up this morning, I hoped Id feel better. I don’t. I’m still scared, still afraid. Still don’t know what is going to happen this cycle or next or the one after that. What I do know is I will face it, keep trying to move forward, fight my tendencies to isolate and keep trying. With or without children I am determined to try to find a way to make my life meaningful.

If I have alienated you I am sorry. it’s not my intention. There are times though with the points of view in this community are very one-sided, and I think for the sake of an open honest discussion you have to hear both sides.

If you take issue with anything I’ve said here please feel free to comment. I welcome opposing opinions and challenging questions.

And thank you for taking the time to read my ranty post.

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44 comments on “Controversy

  1. Mo says:

    Thanks for the rant – I needed it today.
    I’m with you on all of these things, and yet I’ve been guilty of using “preggo” and bump-o-phobia.
    This was a good little slap in the face – thanks for writing it!

  2. LMC421 says:

    Jeanette, this is the best blog post. I couldn’t agree more with you and you couldn’t have said it better.

    Although I do use the whole “hubby” word here and there, but because the word is shorter than “husband”. So, I’ll take the smack for that! 🙂

    I absolutely love the way you write, with no holding back and saying it how it is.

    • Jeanette says:

      Im not smacking anyone. Especially not you! Thank you for the compliment. Im struggling today to hold it together, and even though I think this will piss a lot of people off, its how I feel.

      Thanks for the compliment on my writing, there are lots of people more talented than I am but I appreciate it all the same. MWAH for making my day a little better!

  3. babylopez8410 says:

    I admit there were times when I would let my jealously take over during these past two years but never enough to ruin my day. And there were times when I got whiny and depressed but I hated that about myself and would try to fix it. This takes a toll on us but it shouldn’t define us. I admire your strength, honesty and bravery (even though you don’t see it).

    I am so sorry for all the hardships you have been dealt and had to face. I really, truly root for you every time you start a new cycle and wish they would be “un-circusy.” I hope with every fiber in my being that you will be a mother one day soon.

    I also can NOT stand the word preggo!

    • Jeanette says:

      I also get impatient with myself when I feel like Ive been whiny too long. I think thats normal. Flashes of jealousy or envy, normal. Letting it define you. Not normal.

      I also thank you for wishing me cycles that were un-circusy. I wish for them too! I appreciate your kind words and your hope for me.

      Soon you will see your own little peanut and can move into the next phase of your pregnancy with some comfort in the knowledge that its going to be ok!

      Thank you again.

  4. queenelizabethi says:

    Ditto on the term prego. Not cute.

    Perspective is always a good thing. Taking a break has given me some of that; not really in terms of blogging, but in my life overall. I think it’s healthy to have a place to come and bitch about the frustrations of this process, but I think it can be easy to get totally sucked into blogging about it all the time and that’s when we lose perspective. We wallow. And for me at least, that’s not why I wanted to start a blog; it was supposed to be helpful and cathartic for me.

    I also think there is a lot of external pressure for women in their 30s. I think by the time a woman is 44, most people assume she’s not going to have children at all. I’m sorry you’re going through such a difficult process and that there isn’t much support for you. No matter what stage of infertility we’re in, it’s hard. It’s hard to be 31 and have people tell you to just have a baby already. It’s hard to be 44 and not have anyone understand what you’re going through. So rant all you want, we’re here to listen and love you.

  5. Daryl says:

    This is your space to say whatever you want. You’re in a tough spot and probably do have a different perspective than a lot of other bloggers. Time is not on your side. Having said that, I think getting the diagnosis of infertility is just shitty, no matter what your age. Hubby–and yes, I call him that, it’s just what my fingers decided to type when I couldn’t use his real name–was diagnosed at 16. I learned of his diagnosis when I was 25. It still stings, no matter how much time we have to try to fix it. But I agree it’s easy to fall into the trap of whining about how hard it is, which, while therapeutic once in a while, isn’t healthy if you let it take over your life. I always hope every one of your cycles is successful and wish you nothing but the best.

    • Jeanette says:

      Being diagnosed as infertile is shitty. There is not a single thing in my post that says anything different. It doesn’t hurt more at 30 than it does at 44. But at 44, your time is short. The difference is there are legions of younger women who think someone in my shoes shouldnt be having kids at my age to begin with so it “serves me right”

      I appreciate your hope, and I hope for you too, and you can call your Hubby whatever you want. I was stating an opinion of a word, like moist, or panties. Its just not one of my favorites, it wasn’t meant as a personal barb. Lots of folks call their husband that.

  6. I have an inappropriate personal question that I’ve always kind of wondered about people undergoing treatment. Should I PM it (if so, how?) or post it here? Or just not ask it. 😉

    Btw, I would totally love a substitute word for “hubby”. It grates on my nerves as well. It just sounds… too… cutesy. I don’t mind “dh” for darling husband.

    Just think of what a fabulous grandma you’re going to be one day when your step-daughter has a baby. Then you will get to enjoy all of the “firsts” yet still retain your sanity. 🙂 You have so much to look forward to and love to give lots of other people, regardless.

    • Jeanette says:

      Amber, while I know you mean well, Ive never been able to be a mother to Emily much less will I ever be a grandmother to her. Please dont dismiss something so painful with something you know nothing about.

      I know you mean well, but this is really really hard if youre not in the persons shoes.

  7. I love your ‘controversy’ and your total honesty. I think we all blog to get some stuff out of our system that could be considered offensive, so I am all for it. I also back your list of terms, in particular ‘fur baby’ which drives me CRAZY and would like to add the word ‘bub’ to your list – for some reason my husband can’t stand it. ‘Bump’ is the only one I have been guilty of, and that’s mostly because my husband’s uncle called him “Ben the Bump” when his mother was pregnant and then the name stuck when he was born (Ben, not the Bump part, obviously, that would be weird).

    But seriously, this is your space to say what you like and people’s choice to read with the risk of being offended, and yes, while we are all moving through our own particular facets of childlessness, I understand how supremely shitty it must be to be going through it at 44 and wish you all the love and support that can be lacking for people in your position. I wish I could say more.

    And also, you may not believe it, but there is at least some definition of ‘brave’ in you. I totally get what you’re describing because I have felt the same way when people have said it to me, but by stating that none of this is going to define you: THAT is some kind of bravery. Because it’s certainly not true of everybody going through this. Don’t sell yourself short 🙂

    • Jeanette says:

      Hi Violet, Everyone says those words sometimes, and while I know its childish and immature of my to list them, its just a list, I dont actually expect anyone to change their way to speaking to suit me.

      To be completely fair infertility at any age is shitty. For whatever reason. As long as there is actually a reason and not someone whose just impatient that they didn’t get pregnant the minute the wanted to.

      I appreciate the love and support, and you have mine as well. None of my post was meant as a personal attack on anyone. Everyone feels jealousy sometimes, normal. Everyone feels envious sometimes, also normal. Laying down and defining yourself by that. Not normal. I was trying to raise an issue that I see in so many blogs of women who allow others to take their strength away from them with some stupid announcement. Laughing at someones tacky baby shower invite, it a normal way to deal with well.. “tacky” so good on you for that. Seriously the balls on some of these people.

      I appreciate your definition of bravery. Im not sure Im it, because I see someone who is brave, as someone more like Daryl from Soon a Family. Who walks quietly through the storm of her life, and never diverts from its path. Yes. I do continue to walk my path as well, but its kicking and screaming and fighting pretty much every step of the way. Which I’m pretty sure makes me less brave, and probably less worthy of being called that.

      I am old. I admit it. It wasnt my choice to wait so long but its where I am. Even so I refuse to let it define me and Im not sure it makes me brave. Defiant maybe, but brave.. I dont know.

      Thank you for your kind and understanding response. The blogging community is mostly quite a lot younger than I am, and there are times when I really dont feel like my situation is very well understood. So thank you again. I appreciate it sincerely.

  8. Louisa says:

    I couldn’t agree with you more about people who lable themselves infertile after 6 months of trying–that drives me nuts. I have 2 friends who underwent one round of IVF and got pregnant and continue to talk about their “infertility” I love them but want to punch them. You are in a very difficult position with little support I think its normal to be angry and scared. I was told by my RE he wanted 3-4 blasts before doing FETs well I didn’t make that many but I still beat the odds. Please if you have a little hope in your heart remember that it only takes one good embryo.

    • Jeanette says:

      I want to. I want to have all the hope and faith its possible to have. Maybe I’m not a good enough person to believe I will be so blessed. Somehow I dont think that Dr Yelians optimism will apply to me.

      I didnt meant o be offensive with this post, I just see some of these discussions as so one sided, wish that overwhelmingly as women we just were kinder and had more compassion for one another.

      Some of the blogs I read, make misery the new normal. And I dont want that for anyone, not for myself not for anyone.

  9. […] also been thinking about Jeanette’s rant about letting yourself be defined by infertility. I love her and I completely understand the […]

  10. Jut wanted to jump in here… (loving the great conversation, btw). I don’t have the long IF track record (My husband and I have about a year and a half of this hell behind us), but I do have a shitty diagnosis that essentially advanced my clock ahead by many years (I’ll be 36 in aug). This makes my recent BFP nothing short of a miracle. I had been gearing up for a DE cycle this Spring, and got this surprise two weeks ago. When I posted my news yesterday, I had been struggling with making the announcement for some of the same reasons you are talking about… women in this community take this news so hard and I so did not want to hurt anyone. But since I posted, I’ve come to realize that I need to let that go and focus on how my miracle might give hope to others who are still waiting for theirs.

    Over the past several months, my blog may have seemed like a place I came to wallow in misery… I had been struggling, but I come to my blog to let go of that misery, to let it out and try to reconnect with hope and happiness. I feel that is what kept me sane in the lowest of moments (that, and all of you).

    Thanks for your honesty in this post. And I believe that you will be a fabulous grandmother…. About 25 or 30 years from now when your child decides to make you one!

    • Jeanette says:

      OMG Thank you, and bless you sweet-pea! Congratulation on your new life and on your new happiness!!!

    • Jeanette says:

      Congratulations on your miracle!!! Anyone that has worked and toiled and worried and been afraid deserves to enjoy that good news to its fullest!! Congratulations to you!!

      I know blogging is where people come to vent. It’s fine, as long as the venting doesn’t define you.

      I think a lot of people reading my post misunderstood or took it from a defensive point of view. I didn’t realize it would cause such a stir, I mean, I had an inkling that my way of thinking is a little different but it doesn’t mean I support any of you or your situations any less. I love this community and mostly its been very welcoming to me. And I thank you for that.

      I started this blog, because I was afraid. Because I needed an outlet, and because I cant talk to my husband about my broken vagina anymore without him wanting to (rightfully) rip his own ears off.

  11. […] started writing this before Jeanette’s recent post, but I think it’s a good exercise for all of us.  We can’t let infertility define who […]

  12. I have to say that usually I am laughing when reading your posts. But this one really disturbed me. I was really surprised at your judgment of some of us, in the midst of asking others to be more sympathetic at pregnancy announcements. I was especially bothered by the discounting of those of us who have had shorter journeys on the infertility path, or who are in our early 30s.

    Why does the definition of infertility not include those of us who have happened to have a shorter path? Is there a cutoff point where after that point, it’s infertility, but before, it’s not? When does the cutoff happen? Does the fact that it took me as “little” as a year to get pregnant count more if I was diagnosed with something officially wrong with my lady parts? (I was.) Does it have to be something that I can’t fix with heavy medicine, or have to take years to get over to count as infertility? Once I was somehow able to conceive, does that make me less infertile in the months/years before? Does it count as infertility if just because I am able to get pregnant once, that I know that I’ll have to have intervention to do it again? Those feelings of desperation and need for support are intense in 6 months as well as 5 years.

    Because we’re in our 30s, the rest of the world doesn’t say “Oh, you’ve got plenty of time.” They actually say “Hurry the fuck up.” Every. Single. Day. We are actually more closely scrutinized in our early 30s because the world thinks we should be having a baby NOW. It’s daily, constant pressure, inconsiderate comments, bull shit judgment and fucked up hints. Every day. For the “younger” infertiles, it doesn’t matter that we may have more time to get it together. We still deal with the same miserable shit that everyone else does.

    I think it’s easy to be cynical when your journey has taken years and nothing has happened. But don’t forget that just because it may be harder for you doesn’t mean it was easy for those of us who are in our 30s, have pushed past it somehow, or are still dealing with it.

    • Jeanette says:

      The definition if infertility does not include anyone who has been trying for less than a year. Infertility generally includes a secondary diagnosis of issues such a PCOS, Endometrosis, auto immune disorders etc. It does not include someone who started trying in November, didnt get pregnant in December and now calls themselves infertile. Sorry if that offends you. But by the medical definition of infertility, I’m accurate.

      You talk about being in your 30’s like Ive never experienced them. I have. And like it or not. I know the “pressure” you feel. Shockingly, Ive felt it before.

      I dont think I’m trying to be cynical. I think I’m trying to say dont let it define you. And some of the peoples blogs I read, it defines them. You think there is pressure for you in your 30s? Try being 40, where you are dismissed and judged as too old and past it to bother with, dismissed by the people in their 30’s who are even sharing your path. Dismissed and judged with “well if you wanted kids you should have done it sooner” You think thats easier?

      I never said it was harder for me. I said my time was shorter. That every cycle I panic, because it could be my last.

      Which I guess was the point of the post, seeing and having compassion for both sides. A point you seem really defensive about and seem to have missed.

      This community has a tendency to have very one sided conversations with little to no challengers. I wrote a post that challenges some things. I’m sorry if that offended you.

  13. This is such a great post. Good to get this frustration out and on the page. You made me laugh and think. A great combination. Here’s to throwing away expectations. Telling society to f-off. Charting our own path regardless of age. Thanks!

  14. You are my favorite blogger today! I’d give you an award, but then I’d have to steal a graphic somewhere and force you to jump through a bunch of hoops. Instead, I’ll just tell you.
    There!
    I self-identify as Infertile, but the truth is we are undiagnosed/nonspecific SUB-fertile. It’s just that infertile is easier because people know what that means, and it’s WAY fewer characters to type.
    I have more to say, but I have to log off for now, so I’ll come back later…

    • Jeanette says:

      Why am I your favorite blogger? Are you crazy? 🙂 Come back and chat with me when you can!

      • You are my favorite blogger because of this:
        “2. That people have such a fit over pregnancy announcements. Yes it hurts. Quit bitching about it. Everyone else’s lives should be put on hold because you are having trouble conceiving? Get over yourselves.

        On a kinder note, how can you possibly expect to have a grace bestowed upon you when you resent or have envy at someone else?”

        And this:
        “I read so much misery and despair in your blogs. I see so many women sad and getting used to that misery. I want you to want better for yourselves. I want you to open yourselves to the grace of being happy for others who are receiving the gift you want so much.”

        I wrote a blog post not that long ago about resentment, and how I am not feeling any right now, and how I plan (hope) to never feel any. One of the comments I got on that post was written from exactly the place I never want to go to. I feel terribly sad for the person who wrote that comment; firstly because she clearly feels resentment, secondly because she KNOWS that everyone who suffers through what she has suffered through will feel resentment.

        I am not going to claim that my situation compares to anyone else’s. How can I possibly know what any other person has gone through? What I can say is that despite what I have gone through, I do not feel resentment; and that I do not accept anyone condemning me tofeeling resentment, even if we never conceive again; even if we conceive and suffer losses again. I am going to live my life KNOWING that I will not feel resentment, because as is the case with many things, if you expect to feel resentment, you will.

      • Jeanette says:

        I believe that after losses, hard cycles, tough times that we learn lessons we need to and then the successes/rewards are always sweeter.

        I dont think it matters if you consider yourself infertile or not, I think my take away from everyone’s comments is while a medical definition of infertility, may or may not suit you, its the difficulty of attaining what we all want so much that unites us. Especially after a loss like yours, I think calling yourself infertile is fair, but I hope really really hope its a temporary state, and not a permanent one for you.

        Resentment is hard. I try not to hold onto whatever flashes of jealousy or envy i feel, because I am ashamed of them, and because I dont believe any good can come from feeding them. I dont want to be the cynical person I have been accused of being. I dont want to be bitter, and I dont want to be unhappy.

        I refuse to let things like resentment make me into that person. I said in my very first blog post, this is a journey where nothing is promised. I think we just have to be brave enough and aware enough to keep trying to move forward.

  15. AMAZING! Go on and rant! This is your place to be completely honest. I can’t say that I understand or that I can relate. I’m not at the same point in my journey as you. But I can say that I loved reading this post. I loved your honesty and your willingness to call out some b.s. that pervades the IF world. Good for you! And you are brave. Every time you try again, you take that step into the unknown. And that is very, very brave.

    • Jeanette says:

      Myrtle, Thank you so much for this comment, it really has meant a lot to me. My intention with this post was good. There was nothing malicious about it, though I guess some believe I was dismissive or abrasive. That wasnt my intention either. Thank you for thinking me brave. I dont, but I will continue to keep trying and keep hoping for the best. Not just for myself but for all of us!

      Thank you again!!

  16. […] brings me to Jeanette’s post which certainly did stir up controversy in the blog world. I personally wasn’t offended or […]

  17. Wannabemom says:

    What an interesting post.. and even more interesting to read the comments here. I’m currently raw and wallowing. And incidently not blogging a whole lot because I’m sick of hearing my own depressing words. I feel resentment when people announce pregnancies. I wish I didn’t.. it just doesn’t seem to stop hurting. And the longer I’m on the journey and the more hurt that happens, the more resentful I get it. It’s a piece of me I don’t like but I’m having a really hard time making it better.

    I also find “the hierarchy of infertility” to be interesting. I’ve thought about blogging my thoughts… but didn’t want to offend anyone… ha!

    Anyways, thanks for your honest writing. And I wish you luck.

    • Jeanette says:

      I get the feeling there are some things you’d like to say that you’re not saying.

      I say, say them, if it helps you feel better if you want yell at me feel free to, tell me I’m too old, and full of crap go ahead. I’m a grown up and I can take it.

      Everyone wallows on this journey at some point. Everyone. Including me. But I get sick of myself and decide its not going to define me no matter what the outcome.

      I think most people feel resentment or jealousy over pregnancy announcements, for a minute. But building resentment? When your own pregnancy finally happens to you, who will you look to be happy for you? Who of your friends will you expect to be happy that youre getting your own little miracle?

      The hierarchy of infertility is actually a medical definition for infertility. Its not my personal hierarchy.

      I dont know you, and I havent read your blog, but I will, and I wont judge you based on one post.

      That being said I hope you wlll read my other posts, and know that the larger message in what I was saying with this post was take your power back. Dont give it up so easily.

      And if you want to be offensive to me bring it on! Open discussion is a good healthy thing.

  18. Mali says:

    This was interesting. I think your bottom-line message (well, to me at least) is that we can’t let infertility define us. And I applaud this sentiment; it is one I very much live by, being one of those women who could not have children, the final verdict arriving in my early 40s. My whole life is now emphasising who I am, rather than who I am not. I either like my life for the rest of my life, or I make myself miserable emphasising what I don’t and will never have. But I think it is probably easier for me to do this now. There’s no other option. I understand that this can be harder when you’re in the midst of treatments and wondering “will it happen or not?”

    • Jeanette says:

      I understand that, being in the middle of treatments myself.

      There are definitely days where I’m miserable. But I refuse to lay down in it and get comfortable. It would be easier sometimes, and sometimes I know it feels like everyone’s new normal. What I am saying is, Don’t. Don’t give it or anyone person that much power over you.

  19. greatminus8 says:

    I’m guilty of using many of your terms of endearment that you don’t like, but frankly, I’m in my late-20’s, and they’re sort of engrained in my personality. I’d apologize for it, but instead, I’ll just own it.

    I also love your sentiments about not letting the infertility bit define you. (I can’t imagine your struggle if you’re in your 40’s, and have been struggling since your 20’s. And for the record, I’m not calling you old. 😀 )

    My husband and I recently went on vacation, just to get away from it all, and came to a decision: infertility will no longer define us. We will stop living every minute of every day like we could get pregnant, and just move on with our lives. If a baby comes our way, that would be phenomenal, and would make us incredibly happy. Otherwise? We’re going to live our lives for what they ARE: we don’t have kids yet. Husband is going back to school, I took a more challenging job, and we’re considering a huge move to California. These are things we never would’ve done before making that decision to quit thinking like we already HAD children. We don’t.

    I stumbled upon your blog from someone else’s blog, so I might have no real concept of what’s going on with you, and that’s okay. One of the beautiful things about our community is that we can get a good idea of what someone’s going through based on our personal experiences. I’m not particularly religious, but I always loved the biblical concept of younger women learning from women with more life experience. So I’ll keep a watch on your blog, knowing that your rants will be worth reading, that lessons can be gleaned from them, and that you’re not going to pussyfoot around shit. You’re saying what you mean, and I love that.

    • Jeanette says:

      Own it girl! Love that!

      Ive not been struggling that long or Id be a complete lunatic by now, but I sacrificed a lot for my family and waited until the last minute risking my own chances of having children.

      Thank you for the huge compliment! I use this blog as a place to make fun of myself mostly, and how unrecognizable my life has become. I write about whats going on with me in general, not just the IVF stuff though its predominate. I am a very straight forward person so I guess that comes across here. I also write about my husband and my family, and my husbands family, and if you read a post called “WAR” you will see I also write about my neighbors.

      Thanks for stopping by and I really hope we will become friends!

  20. taylor says:

    I hate the word panties too. Just sayin’

  21. Annie says:

    I think people are entitled to their feelings. I hear so often “you can’t think that” or “you can’t feel that way”. Seriously? I own my feelings, I can think or feel anything I want! It is the one freedom that we have in life. I decided I was disgusted with a woman I know, who pops out a new baby every year and shows the baby off in public constantly; I would even go so far as to say, she gets pregnant because she is addicted to the attention that she receives with a new infant. (I can’t wait to see what happens when she is too old to keep getting pregnant, and where she will derive her self esteem from). That is my honest belief, and right or wrong, I am entitled to it. I also distanced myself from this woman because I just got sick of her – again, right or wrong, that is my entitlement. I can “FEEL” any way that I want about her. Don’t tell me I “can’t” because I CAN.

    • Jeanette says:

      Thanks for taking the time to stop by and read this post. I don’t think this post has anything to do with telling anyone how to feel. What I am saying is feel whatever you want, but dont make misery your new normal and lay down in it. I agree you are entitled to feel however you like, and so am I.

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