It’s Tuesday night. 6dpt. I started getting anxious to test today. Really anxious and I had to go to Target so that made it worse. I had to get some cleaning supplies, and some vinegar, and some other stuff for my friend’s birthday party that I am helping her with. I wandered by the pregnancy test kit aisle. Put a box of 3 in my cart and then proceeded to have the stupidest conversation with myself for the next 20 minutes while meandering around Target.
“You promised you were not going to test early”
I know but I can’t help it, I’m getting really anxious today.
“You PROMISED! Look at how crappy it’s turned out for you the other 2 times?”
I know but this feels different.
“It could just be the progesterone. It’s probably just the progesterone”
Yes. Possibly. Fine. God you’re an ass.
I remove the tests from my cart somewhere around kids toys. I then wander over to the baby section. The section of Target I always have avoided. I think for a minute, what it would be like to actually BE pregnant and be able to justifiably buy these items. I move on to another aisle.
The conversation continues:
“No you are not buying those! I’m not kidding. NO!”
Ok but the results aren’t going to change if I test early or not.
“No but you will wreck this peaceful happiness bubble of insulation you’ve worked so hard to create around yourself if you test early. Look how well you did at acupuncture yesterday. You didn’t whine or cry or act like a maniac. For Once.”
“You’re 11 days into all the meds, you are doing well. Don’t ruin it”
Always fighting between the logical and possibly insane me.