Beta #2

Generally the second beta is given 48 hours after the first one. But since the  first beta was last Friday, and the clinic I go to is closed on Sundays, I was asked to come back 4 days after my first beta. Which was this morning; 181.5. I was told not to worry about it, but coming in 98.5 points lower than the Dr wanted to see? Yeah that’s concerning to me.

Since my positive pregnancy test, Ive come to realize something. It doesn’t all end with a positive and then fade to whatever baby color that represents the gender and you go on happily ever after. There is a critical path, milestones to be met, a third beta, the first ultrasound, the heartbeat, because of my age a battery of tests that will come in November and December should I make it that long.

Somewhere around the 16th week I can start to feel safe. Maybe. Which for me, means it will be 2013, before I can stop worrying.

16 weeks seems a long way away.

Which led me to thinking about children. In IVF, you worry throughout the process, you are anxious about your levels, you bodies response, your results, your ability to make follicles/eggs, their quality, if there are male factor infertility issues, you worry about Everything. You change your diet, you take supplements that make you to produce the most expensive urine in the world. You worry about the cost, the toll it takes on your relationship, the toll it takes on you as a person.

Where does it lead? It leads to the elusive (you will worry about that too) positive test, and a whole new slew of worries and anxiety. Assuming the outcome is a live birth, you will then worry about that child for the rest of your life. I guess the upside of all the disappointments and anxieties that go with IVF and infertility, is that it prepares you better than most for parenthood.

What does it mean? I means I’m going to walk through my worries and anxieties 1 step at a time. I’m going to try to not to predict the future, because it isn’t written yet, and I’m going to do everything I can to get enough rest, keep stress at bay, eat well, and have faith.

From here on out, I am stepping into the unknown. I will be grateful for every day I have with this miracle.


23 comments on “Beta #2

  1. babyfeat says:

    You’re right. It is very stressful waiting to meet each milestone, and as soon as you meet one, there is another upcoming milestone. I guess every part of our life is about meeting some form of milestone. With what you’ve been through, this baby right now I am sure is being cared for with such love and appreciation. Keep living in the moment of miracles!

    • Jeanette says:

      My beta doubling numbers are on the slow side but still within normal range. Im hoping it stays that way! Next Tuesday will be my first ultrasound.

      Now, how are you, how is your cousin and how are things in general? Youve not written about it lately and I have to be honest, Im worried for you. Email me if you like but let me know. Youre in my thoughts all the time.

  2. Belle says:

    WOOOO! How on earth did I miss your positive test result? Holy smokes! Contrats pretty lady! Yes, all the worry and unknown is exhausting as all get-out. I believe firmly that it will make us better and more appreciative parents one day, though. Cheers to a positive test. Trust your doctor, trust your body and know we are all here to help you worry should it get to be too much. xoxo

  3. Theresa says:

    I told one person of my worries and her response was “welcome to motherhood”.
    Not exactly encouraging. 🙂

    • Jeanette says:

      Ugh. Youve been a lifesaver today. I was frantic when I made that post and thanks to your cooler wiser head, I didnt completely lose my mind. I even took a little nap late this afternoon.

      Thank you so much, and now, is it Friday yet?

  4. Daryl says:

    The worry never ends, does it? I hope your third beta will help ease some fears. Sending you lots of love and hugs.

    • Jeanette says:

      Dr decided I don’t need a third beta. Turns out.. and I really wish someone had told me this while I was at the clinic, is that if you enter the values for your beta into a beta calculator it tells you how many hours it takes for your HCG to double. Mine is on the long side, but still within normal range.

      Next stop, first ultrasound.

      Thank you for the love and hugs. Im sending them back to you too! I know youre in pain but sometime soon, its going to be your turn and then you too can have all these same worries. 🙂

  5. Louisa says:

    Wish it was higher (as do you) but can tell you I have a friend who had a slow beta and now has a healthy 6 month old. It’s out of your hands and today you are pregnant, this is what I kept telling myself. I’m hoping for a wonderful u/s on Tuesday! By the way I worried throughout my pregnancy but once he arrived–I did actually relax.

    • Jeanette says:

      The beta is low, but still within normal ranges. I was pretty terrified when I wrote yesterdays post. Im going to do my best not to worry (hahahahahahaha) and just take one step at a time.

  6. April says:

    Sounds good to me!! As does one step at a time. I feel like a hypocrite saying this, but worrying too much keeps you from enjoying what you have when you have it. At least I can do that now, and I’m sure you will be able to as well. Yay!

  7. Oh man, good post and so, so true!

    I felt like I was pregnant for a blink of an eye and one of my biggest regrets is that I never got to enjoy it and revel in it. I was always so worried….

    I hope that your worry lessens over time and that you get to enjoy your pregnancy. You worked so hard for this and you deserve to enjoy that little bean.

  8. The worrying never ends!!! I take it one day at a time and embrace the fact that you are indeed pregnant…there is nothing you can do at this point and stressing doesnt help…I wish I could practice what I preach but I think it has gotten a little easier each day

    • Jeanette says:

      Much easier said than done as you know. To be clear my beta was low but still within normal ranges. I was pretty scared when I wrote that yesterday, so Im going to just hope for the best and take one day at a time.

  9. Holy crap. What a horrible time for me to be absent from the blogiverse! I can’t believe I missed this. Congrats chica! I am so excited for you!!! I know you are taking things cautiously. I will be crossing every digit I have in the hopes that things continue healthily and happily. 🙂

  10. Courtney Cini says:

    I don’t know you. But i have read your blog for months as it’s the only outlet that makes me feel normal during my own struggle with infertility. Annnnnnnnd i just cried driving down the highway when i read your last two entries. I understand there are countless things to worry you even now, but i am so happy for you for where you are right now. Congratulations. May blessings abound.

    • Jeanette says:

      What an incredible compliment! Thank you! please dont drive while reading, I dont want you to crash! 🙂

      Id love to hear your story if you want to tell me. Everyone going through this needs support and I like to give back so please let me know if there is something I can do for you.

      You will find your own positive. Thank you so much, I dont know if Ive ever had a kinder note.



  11. cassiedash says:

    Congrats on the positive pregnancy test, Jeanette! I was thinking of you often while I was away on holiday and I’m so happy to come back to some good news. Fingers are crossed and prayers are being said that next week’s u/s is nothing but ideal. One step and one milestone at a time…

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