I miscarried very traumatically via D&C at 16 weeks. It was a perfect, with no genetic abnormalities, baby girl. She was as I felt then, my last chance. I became extremely depressed after my miscarriage but I tried twice more with no eggs retrieved and no further success. A few months after my last post I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I’ve spent the last 18 months fighting for my life. I’ve had 14 surgeries in 16 months. And I am due to be tested for leukemia as soon as I have the courage to take the test.
There will be no children of my own for me.
In the meantime I’ve lost many friends. many young women who have succumbed to this disease. I am inspired by each of their spirits, their love, their hearts, kindness and their bravery.It’s been a long dark lonely road. One that I wasn’t sure I’d make it to the end of, but with the help of a few endlessly kind people I have come through, mostly whole. They know who they are.
Meanwhile Emily has gone off to college, made me incredibly proud, she choose Georgetown. Shes had the biggest best college experience I could hope for her, and shes doing amazing. Shes beautiful and astounds me daily with her grace and loveliness as a young woman. I know shes not mine but I love her like she is. I adore her like she is. I’m proud of her like she is. I don’t know if that counts or not but in my heart she belongs to me.
Im trying. Its the best I can do. To find life. To find happiness. To find resolution to old family issues. Im trying. To find solutions, to find peace. So to anyone that might read this, I wish you a happy mothers day. To know that mothers come in all forms and love does as well.
Big love to all of you.