50 Shades

For a few months now I’ve been hearing about this “50 Shades of Grey” trilogy of books, which have flown off the shelves and is now in pre-production to be made into a movie, rumored to be directed by Angelina Jolie. Que giant eye roll. Seriously? 6 kids and you want to produce that? Really? Ok then, Ive questioned her judgement for a long time.

Everyone and their idiot brother has done an article or a segment on how “these books are changing marriages everywhere!”

These books started as Twilight Fan Fiction, which should have told me already that they would be horrible and after seeing middle aged women’s reaction to the whole Twilight thing, I have to admit, I was embarrassed for my gender.

I read one of the Twilight books because my stepdaughter wanted to read them, and I was appalled by the poor writing, the stupid teenaged angsty plot and the general lack of good decision-making. But ok, who am I to tell someone not to read something so she read them. All of them. Shes also seen the movies. When I rent them for her she makes me leave the room because she knows I will make fun of them. Somewhere toward the middle of the movie she comes to get me and we make fun of them together.

My personal reading tastes tend to lean more toward history and classics and though I enjoy an occasional chick lit kind of book it’s not usually my kind of thing.

These books are straight up Mommy Porn. That include spanking, and other S/M type er.. other graphic stuff. Look I don’t care what goes on in anyone’s bedroom. Swing from the chandeliers for all I care, I just don’t really need it in excruciating detail.

The main character is a 23-year-old VIRGIN (again with the giant eye roll), who bites her bottom lip a lot, says “oh my” and “Jeez” every 3 sentences. She also can’t remember to take her birth control pills and is basically why we don’t currently have a woman as president.

The man is older rich, incredibly good-looking, misunderstood and a tortured soul. The girl, decides she’s going to try to change him. Because that always works out so well.

Anyhow. I’m not really sure the point of this post and I don’t want to discourage anyone from actually reading, but the fact that I’ve seen these books at Costco appalled me. It’s like “YAY for mediocrity!” Ugh. Cant we do better than 50 Shades of Complete Crap? Please?