The Freak Show

Story of my life.

CD3 Monitoring appointment today. There were follicles in my ovaries on day 3 for the first time in 2 months. Which is wonderful, however…they look more like cycle day 10 or 12. In fact my ultrasound tech was more excited about it than I was. Bless her.

Lets talk numbers.

E2, 426. FSH 3.0 LH 8.8. Normally my RE doesn’t test for LH at this point but after the E2 being so high and FSH being so low, he wanted to see how close I was to my LH surge. In case you have no idea what these numbers mean, let me just say that e2 is crazy high.

This sets a new record for highest E2 and lowest FSH ever. Much less on day 3. Everyone in the office was talking about it, nurses kept coming up to me ” I just saw your chart are you sure its only day 3?” I’ve always wanted to be the person who actually is every single use case scenario. No, actually I’ve never ever wanted that.

If you don’t know what a “use case” is, it’s a software development term¬† used to define every possible exception, every odd occurrence, every strange happening.

The prodigals right ovary made a rare appearance today with 2 follicles, measuring 24.9, so that’s probably a cyst, and 21.1. The more demure and under performing left ovary had one follicle that is 16.3.

Dr Y asked me point-blank “Have you been taking some drugs that I don’t know about?” I squeaked “Drugs?” He said “Yes fertility medications?” My jaw dropped and I said “OF COURSE NOT. I hate them. Clomid makes me feel like a beast” and he started laughing. For which I gave him the evil stink eye.

I left the clinic with a Lupron shot, to be taken tonight at 10:30, and an egg retrieval scheduled for Wednesday morning at 9:30 which means I will still be having my period during this procedure. Perfect. A whole new layer of humiliation. If it means I get 1 or 2 good eggs, then sign me up. Why not, I said goodbye to my dignity 6 months ago and haven’t seen it since.

I’m amazed that my body just does whatever the hell it wants to and leaves me holding the pink bag, literally, looking like some kind of fertility medication crazy person. As you can see I am willing to embarrass myself to have a baby. Just in relation to monitoring I have endured 20 blood drawings, 20 ultrasounds, half of the building has seen me with no pants on, a handful of people have seen my girly parts more than I have in my whole life, 5 previous egg retrievals, with another on the horizon but taking fertility drugs outside whats prescribed to me? You have to be kidding. I have to draw the line somewhere.

Maybe those Circle and Bloom visualizations are working. Or maybe my body is just a freak show.

I’m happy. I think. I’m a little worried, but I’m glad I don’t have to talk about Kardashians this month.



Cycle day 13 monitoring.

I feel like a beast.

Longest. Monitoring. Cycle. Ever.  I guess 4 blood tests and ultrasounds in 10 days will do that to you. To be fair 3 of them have been in the last 5 days so you get my drift.

Lets talk numbers shall we?

E2 was 138, which more than doubled since Saturday. No FSH reading today, LH is 14.9, which weirdly is lower than it was on Saturday, p4 is .88 and the follicle in my right ovary is now 13 mm.

I talked to the Dr. today, because I didn’t know if I should continue with this cycle since it seems so much slower growing, and lower than the last 4. He wants to do an egg retrieval on Thursday. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do it, and I asked him point-blank if this is some kind of psychological boost to waste a retrieval on a crappy egg, he laughed said “no its starting to look like a very good cycle” and that he would encourage me to go through with it. To be clear, I’m the one that said crappy, my Dr. is a civilized human being and he doesn’t swear.

I covered it some time ago, but I drive him crazy because I question everything. He probably hates me. Have I mentioned I have trust issues? Yeah. I might have a teensy problem with that. I know, I know…I owe a lot of people apologies.

So its scheduled for 9:45 Thursday morning, Clomid again tonight, Lupron shot tomorrow night at 10:45pm.

Back to the remedial class with patience, trust, and positive thinking. Just when I was doing so well with it, I totally back-slid and got all snarky von crankypants. I may need a firmware upgrade. All previous versions have come with sarcasm, cynicism, snark and swearing as features.

Maybe they should no longer be called “features”, be properly identified as bugs and be removed from the next iteration. I wonder if I can add that to the PRD without getting called out for scope creep.