Less than 24 hours after my last post, shark week has arrived, cramps and backaches and all the crap that comes with having your period, except its only been 16 days since my last one started M*th&rF*C$R. In case there was any wonder what so ever about what I was swearing exactly.
Acupuncture and Chiropractic went well, if anyone was concerned. My acupuncturist is also a chiropractor, something he asked me to share so people didn’t think he was some sort of quack. He’s also a graduate from Brandeis University, his brother graduated from MIT, (they are in practice together) and they both traded all that in for a degree in Chinese Medicine and Chiropractic Medicine. Yeah, I keep asking what happened too.(not really they are both incredible)
To be fair they are both pretty amazing. Dr. P, who is my normal Dr. is very touchy and caring and gets whatever is bothering you out even if you don’t particularly want to talk about it. Dr. B is much more pokey. As in, “My god the last time I poked your stomach it was so much fatter”. and “how come when I poke your stomach there is no food in there? But don’t eat anything that is dairy, carb related, not organic or processed in any way”.
Once, a few months ago I made fun of a patient who Dr B was treating who was a moaner. I asked him who he was having sex with in the room while I was trying to get my zen on on in the acupuncture room. Dr P was offended, but I was only kidding. Now because I have this weird butt cheek calf pan issue, I’m sure I’m being punished for making fun, so they are both laughing at me. Whatever. If I deserve it, so be it.
Dr P keeps asking me to do this “hug” thing which means me letting go of the table and letting him have control of my entire body. Usually there is one flailing arm holding on to the other side of the table. Not because I don’t trust him, but because I’m afraid I’m too fat for him to making these contortions for. Which leads to nervous laughter and more holding the table. He thinks I’m kidding when I say this but I’m not. I’m seriously afraid for his safety. I promise Dr P, I will never sue you. As long as you never sue me. He’s used to treating little tiny Asian patients. I’m a really tall Irish girl with cankles and an ass like the broad side of a barn. Seriously, the humiliation never quits when you are trying to get pregnant.
Lets see, 16 days after the last freak show, only 2 days off Provera and I have the curse. I’m not sure I can clearly discuss how god awful it is to wait for 2 weeks for something to happen after your period, and then to find out nothing is happening. For it to be shortened by 2 weeks and to find out nothing is happening is so scary I don’t even know where to begin.
My appointment is not tomorrow it’s Wednesday. So I guess we will see then. “There will be follicles in there, there will be follicles in there”
It’s the same thing I tell myself when I can’t find a parking space at the mall. “I will have good parking karma, I will have good parking karma”
If anyone else is cycling where I am, please consider my Acupuncturist/Chiropractors. They are talented, amazing, kind, and by far the most educated, good-hearted people I’ve met in this field. Plus between “pokey” and touchy feelie” you’re pretty much all set.