The Shape of Us

I am pregnant.

The results of my beta are: 71.5

I’d be lying if I said I was thrilled and exited and scared to death, all at the same time.

I’ve actually known since Tuesday when I was having that absurd conversation with myself, the conversation went on for quite a bit longer than I documented. Including where I finally said “Fine go ahead and buy the tests, but you are definitely not testing today!”  So I went home took a nap and peed on a stick.

Now before anyone calls me out on my crazy, 1. I acknowledged it a long time ago. 2. I’ve mentioned on multiple occasions in multiple posts that I give FANTASTIC advice that I then proceed not to follow.

As the results became visible, I kept blinking and thinking do I see a second line? Seriously? Is it there or am I imagining it?

Since then, I admit it. I’ve peed on all the things. 3 FRER tests, 1 digital test, and 1 test from the $1.00 store.

Because I knew early I’ve had lots of time to worry about how my beta would come back. And next will be if the numbers double properly. There is a long road for me and my goldfish, of making it through all the markers and milestones. I am not sure I will be comfortable for a while. A positive test doesn’t indicate a viable pregnancy.

But it gives me a reason to hope. Today, for that I am grateful.